Either way, I think my response would be the same…

         / \
        |\_/|
        |---|
        |   |
        |   |
      _ |=-=| _
  _  / \|   |/ \
 / \|   |   |   ||\
|   |   |   |   | \>
|   |   |   |   |   \
| -   -   -   - |)   )
|                   /
 \                 /
  \               /
   \             /
    \           /
     |         |

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SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) — Farmers who sold corn to bankrupt ethanol producer VeraSun Energy Corp. have been receiving letters asking for repayment of funds due to “bankruptcy preference.”

The Iowa State University’s Center for Agricultural Law and Taxation says the letters are telling growers who sold corn to VeraSun in the 90 days before it filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection that they have until Sept. 30 to repay 80 percent of what VeraSun paid them for their corn.

National and state corn growers associations are telling their members they might have defenses and they should consult with an attorney.

Sioux Falls-based VeraSun filed for bankruptcy in October 2009 after tightening credit markets erased its lifeline to weather the swings in corn and fuel prices.

Copyright 2010 The Associated Press.

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NEW YORK — The college student accused of slashing a taxi driver because he was aMuslim has been taken to a New York City psychiatric ward.

Correction Department spokesman Stephen Morello said Michael Enright, of Brewster, N.Y., was taken from the Rikers Island jail to Bellevue Hospital on Thursday night.

Authorities said that on Tuesday a drunk Enright attacked a Manhattan cab driver, Bangladeshi native Ahmed Sharif, who had identified himself as a Muslim during a conversation.

The cab driver told police that the two struck up a conversation before Enright turned on him, screaming “This is a checkpoint, mother—-er! I have to put you down.”

Enright reportedly proceeded to stab the driver’s neck and face with a Leatherman knife. Authorities say Enright uttered an Arabic phrase before slashing Sharif’s face and neck.

The baby-faced student was drunk and incoherent at the time of his arrest and was taken to a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation, police said.

He was later taken to court and remained jailed without bail Thursday on hate crime charges.

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Enright’s attorney told ABC News on Thursday that Enright does not harbor any enmity toward Islam or Muslims.

‘Counter to everything that New Yorkers believe’
The attack has raised concerns among some in the Muslim community that the debate around a Islamic community center planned to be built two blocks from the site of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks has sparked anti-Muslim fervor.

FBI Special Agent Richard Kolko told msnbc.com , however, that New York City has not seen a change in the number of hate crimes reported by Muslims so far this year, but every report is taken seriously.

Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said authorities do not believe the attack signifies a trend in anti-Muslim crimes.

Meantime Mayor Michael Bloomberg met Thursday at City Hall with Sharif.

In a statement, the mayor said it was impossible to know the motive but connected the attack to the debate about an Islamic center planned near ground zero.  “This attack runs counter to everything that New Yorkers believe no matter what god we pray to,” the mayor said in a statement.

Sharif, for his part, told reporters the project did not come up in his conversation with the passenger.

However, after meeting the mayor with his family, the driver said the motive was religion. “Of course it was for my religion — he attacked me after he knew I was a Muslim,” he said.

Suspect’s notebooks reveal no anti-Muslim sentiment
Enright once volunteered with an interfaith group that has supported the proposal for a mosque near Ground Zero.

He was found with two composition-style notebooks on him that contained details of his experiences embedded with U.S. forces in Afghanistan but did not appear to contain any anti-Muslim rants, a law enforcement official told The Associated Press.

Enright was carrying the journals in a bag along with an empty bottle of scotch, the official told the AP on condition of anonymity because the investigation is ongoing.

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The Best Investment Advice You Will Ever Get

Aug 25th 2010 9:24AM

I’m going to simplify what I consider to be the best investment advice I have ever been given and share it with you.  Here you go:

1. If you have any credit card or other type of consumer debt on which you pay 5pct or more interest, pay it off.  Compound interest is your enemy.  The chances of you earning more on your money than you are paying in consumer interest rates are slim. Pay it off.

2.  Cash is King. Now that Madoff is in jail, no investment can offer returns with zero risk. If you don’t fully understand the risks of an investment you are contemplating, it’s ok to do nothing. In times of massive uncertainty like we are facing today, doing nothing is a valid and IMHO preferable investment strategy. Just put your money in the bank.

3. Cash Creates Transactional Returns.   What does this mean ? It means that you should analyze what you spend money on over the course of a year. You will get a better return on your money by being a smart shopper and taking advantage of  cash, quantity or other types of discounts than you will in the stock market.  Saving 15pct on the $1k dollars worth of items you know you will absolutely spend money on is a better return on your money than making 15pct in a year on a $1k investment  because you don’t pay taxes on it.

If you have under 100k dollars in liquid assets,  your net worth will be higher in one year if you follow this advice  than if you follow ANY other investment advice any broker or banker will give you this year.

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On Saturday I did a few chores around the house then rolled the bike out to work on it a bit.  I’d read up on the “proper” way to use this gauge…and I must say I think it was worth what I spent on it.  I hooked the tubing up to the front and rear jugs, wound up the bike and watched the magic happen.  It was bouncing around pretty good, but after I adjusted the valves on the gauges the needles were over all pretty steady and it was easy to get an accurate reading.  I was pretty close on the sync from using my oil in a tube “tool” but with these gauges I got it dialed in as exact as any one can.  I reassembled and took her for a ride…she seemed to have a little less vibration on the upper end…and that’s what I was going for so we’re set.

Sunday I decided to finally make the switch over to synthetic oil.  I had been running dino oil in her I wasn’t sold on the cost/benefit ratio of synthetic.  I’ve noticed that she has been shifting a little harder.  I’d read that shifting was suppose to be smoothed out with the synthetic so it was finally worth the shot.  I picked up some shell rotella t6 at wal-mart for 20/gal, I had to hit fleet farm for the correct oil filter though.  I wasn’t sure it was going to fit so I only bought one…after seeing that it is in fact the correct filter I’ll pick a couple up next time I go out there so I have them on hand.  Drop the oil, swap the filter and fill it back up.  Last time I filled up the oil I dumped a straight 3 quarts in there and didn’t think twice about it.  What I read in the manual looked like the oil pan was something like 2.8 and the filter should take up the rest.  It was a little over full…but over all not too bad.  This time I watched things very closely, got the level up to the “full” mark, ran the bike to circulate oil, then filled again..rinse repeat.  I did this about 3 times and finally the oil settled at the full level right where I wanted it.

Taking her out for a little cruise around the block, the shifting was noticeably different.  She rolls through the gears easier, it doesn’t take near the effort it took before to shift.  It’s possible this is a placebo effect, but I really don’t think so.  I’ll run it around a bit more and might take a bit of a ride up to a lake this weekend to give it a full shake down.  I said earlier the rotella was 20/gal so it’s on the cheaper end of synthetics.  Regular bike oil (little different than car oil because it lubes the engine and tranny) runs around 5/quart anyway.  In the end, I didn’t end up spending more money.

I’ve been looking through craig’s list on and off to drool and gauge what I’m going to be able to buy when I finally have the cash together for a different bike.  I’m getting more and more interested in a harley road king, but I’d be looking at one about 10 years old with 50k or so on it.  That’s quite a few miles and I’m pretty turned off by the “engine just rebuilt!” comments on the ads for these bikes.  I want something to last for quite a while and I don’t want to have to turn a wrench on it other than changing oil.  I did see one on the minneapolis CL that is pretty much what I’d be looking for.  It’s a Roadstar, which is fine…but it’s got an impressive story:

MINT 2005 Yamaha Roadstar Silverado**VERY LOW MILES**Many Extras! – $6500 (Cottage Grove)

---

Date: 2010-08-15, 9:57AM CDT
Reply to: sale-68g5q-1899826999@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

---

This is a BEAUTIFUL bike that has been well taken care of and babied with ONLY 7,646 miles. We are selling only because we do not need 2 motorcycles. You will enjoy this ride…very smooth and sounds awesome!

Silverado Package, 1700 cc, V-twin

Over $3,000 in extras:

*Pipes
*Hyper charger
*Driver back rest
*Luggage rack
*Engine guard and foot pegs
*Passenger floor boards
*Lots of chrome

Call Ryan at 612-849-8208 for questions or to schedule a showing

• Location: Cottage Grove
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

It doesn’t have -everything- I was really wanting in a bike, but it’s got a couple extras that would be nice to have. Over all I think the one thing it’s missing (lockable hard bags) are offset by the extras (hyper charger, driver backrest, soft bags) and it’s extremely low mileage.  I’ve seen a few guys on enthusiast message boards selling hard bags.  New they go for around 800 shipped, used I could get them around 400 shipped.  It’s enough, and I’m not sure it’s entirely worth it when it already has soft bags…but we’ll see.  For this deal I’d be willing to give it up.  If it was a year from now, I’d give this guy a holler, right now though it’s only a pipe dream.  What would be ideal, is this bike with about 10-15k more miles.  Hopefully that would knock 1k off the price and I could look at dumping that grand into the v*/chopper project.

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#1: Retrosexual

Definition: a man who adopts a traditional masculine style in dress and manners

Example:

“Think of him as the anti-metrosexual, the opposite of that guy who emerged in the 1990s in all his pedicured, moussed-up, skinny-jeans glory. That man-boy was searching for his inner girl, it was argued. The retrosexual, however, wants to put the man back into manhood.” — Lini S. Kadaba, Philadelphia Inquirer, Apr. 7, 2010

Submitted by: West4th, NY

Editor’s Note:

Retrosexual is a word that has been used in two very different ways.

It sometimes describes an old-fashioned “manly man” – e.g. a beer and football-loving guy who cares little for his appearance.

But it has also been used, as in the example above, to describe someone who self-consciously adopts traditional masculine styles – e.g. old-fashioned manners and clothes typical of the early 1960s (think Mad Men).

#2: TNR

Definition: (abbreviation): trap-neuter-return, or trap-neuter-release

Example:

“The goal of TNR is to reduce cat populations by humanely trapping them, spaying or neutering them and returning them to the area where they were caught.” — Amy Worden, Philly Dawg Blog, Sept. 16, 2009

Submitted by: K.A. Hoffa, PA

#3: Shoulder Surfer

Definition: a person who watches another person do something (such as use a computer or ATM, or fill out a form) in order to obtain private information

Example:

“Brightly lit, responsive screens are certainly pleasing to use, but they also make it easier for ‘shoulder surfers’ to spy your secret pass codes.” — Duncan Graham-Rowe, New Scientist, Jan. 14, 2010

Submitted by: J.C. Moore, PA

#4: Bonus Parent

Definition: stepparent

Example:

“Not long ago, you rarely heard the word ‘step-parent’ without hearing the word ‘wicked’ in front of it. Or with the word ‘monster’ in front of it. These just sound wrong to us. So, when we heard Oprah refer to a step-parent as a ‘bonus’ parent, it just felt right.” — Rachel Sarah, singlemommyhood.com blog, July 20, 2009

Submitted by: Susan Neeb, MI

#5: Scareware

Definition: fake antivirus software that people are tricked into buying in various Internet scams

Example:

“According to a recent Google study, 60 percent of malicious sites that embed hot keywords try to distribute scareware to the computers of visitors.” — Riva Richmond, The New York Times, May 19, 2010

#6: Flotel

Definition: a floating hotel esp. a hotel located on a ship or a barge

Example:

“The flotel could be moved if significant amounts of oil wash up at another location. Another flotel sits about 15 miles away, off Grand Isle, and BP plans to establish them elsewhere along the coast.” — Ben Nuckols, The Associated Press, June 1, 2010

Submitted by: K.A. Hoffa, PA

#7: Sext

Definition: to send a text message with sexual content

Example:

“Did you see ‘The Tyra Banks Show’ on Friday? The episode was all about teen sexting, and the few snippets I’ve been able to find are enough to make many parents cringe.” — Stacey Garfinkle, WashingtonPost.com, Mar. 23, 2009

#8: Full Spectrum

Definition: showing a complete range of typical or possible elements : comprehensive

Examples:

“Some of the soldiers assigned to posts near the Pakistan border, Dubie said, are engaged in what he called ‘traditional full-spectrum combat operations.’” — Peter Hirschfeld, Vermont Press Bureau, Apr. 7, 2010

“Santorum is a full spectrum conservative with all the abilities that Mike Huckabee had in 2008.” — Craig Robinson, TheIowaRepublican.com, Mar. 10, 2010

Submitted by: T2, GA

Editor’s Note:

As illustrated in the examples above, this term seems to have multiple meanings. These senses of full spectrum have probably evolved from the phrase full spectrum dominance that appeared in “Joint Vision 2020,” a United States Department of Defense document released on May 30, 2000:

“The ultimate goal of our military force is to accomplish the objectives directed by the National Command Authorities. For the joint force of the future, this goal will be achieved through full spectrum dominance – the ability of US forces, operating unilaterally or in combination with multinational and interagency partners, to defeat any adversary and control any situation across the full range of military operations.”

#9: Previsualization

Definition: a process used in filmmaking to generate preliminary versions of shots or sequences predominantly using 3-D animation tools and a virtual environment

Example:

“The process, called ‘previsualization,’ or previz, is storyboarding taken to the next level: digital storyboarding with a certain degree of interactivity.” — Debra Kaufman, hollywoodreporter.com, Oct. 11, 2005

Submitted by: The Previsualization Society, CA

#10: Botnet

Definition: a network of computers infected with a virus that conducts coordinated scanning activity to compromise the security of and infect other computers

Example:

“Botnets – large networks of malware-infected PCs remotely controlled by criminals – are a serious problem on the Internet. The spam, phishing attacks, and malware that these networks send accounts for a massive proportion, in excess of 80 percent, of e-mail traffic.” — Wired.com, Feb. 26, 2010

Submitted by: J.C. Moore, PA

Editor’s Note:

One of the disturbing aspects of botnets: if your computer is infected, you may not be aware that it’s serving as a botnet agent.

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Also, in raising Sam from a quite troubled pre kindergarten child to a well adjusted 5th grade student my initial reaction was that her personality has changed.  Putting a little thought in to the situation though, I realize her core personality has really not changed…what has changed is her self control and overall attitude towards others/authority.  She is still very headstrong, bossy at times, friendly to most everyone and talks quite a bit.  From the findings of the “study” it would seem these personality traits should positively influence her life.

If we look at this from another angle, there is a huge push in schools to calm children down.  Elementary instructors expect them to be able to sit for hours at a time and focus on learning.  A child that has high energy and a relative inability to sit still is drugged and labeled a problem child.  Part of the reason I became disenchanted with teaching elementary school is the attitude towards these children and how they are handled.  As I was in elementary school the length of recess was constantly cut.  We had gone from 30 min in the morning, 30 min at noon and 30 min in the afternoon to 15 in the morning and afternoon with 20 at noon to finally 10 in the morning and afternoon and 15 over lunch.  The length of the school day was also reduced…but a child doesn’t really feel the affect of that while you are in the desk wanting to be any place but there.  I have always felt physical education and “play” is not given enough emphasis as children go through elementary school.  Children need a sufficient amount of time to burn off all that pent up energy…and running around is good for them.  I think there would be far less children on Ritalin if they had sufficient time to burn off energy.  Maybe not…it’s just my hypothesis.  How does this relate to the article?  The things we commonly associate as “negative” in children, high energy, talkative, impulsive…all seemed to indicate a more well balanced and intelligent adult.  The quite, shy, non-talkative kids seemed to have negative personality traits as adults.

But like I said at the beginning…this “study” is far too small to make any reasonable conclusions.

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Our personalities stay pretty much the same throughout our lives, from our early childhood years to after we’re over the hill, according to a new study.

The results show personality traits observed in children as young as first graders are a strong predictor of adult behavior.

“We remain recognizably the same person,” said study author Christopher Nave, a doctoral candidate at the University of California, Riverside. “This speaks to the importance of understanding personality because it does follow us wherever we go across time and contexts.”

The study will be published in an upcoming issue of the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

Tracking personalities

Using data from a 1960s study of approximately 2,400 ethnically diverse schoolchildren (grades 1 – 6) in Hawaii, researchers compared teacher personality ratings of the students with videotaped interviews of 144 of those individuals 40 years later.

They examined four personality attributes – talkativeness (called verbal fluency), adaptability (cope well with new situations), impulsiveness and self-minimizing behavior (essentially being humble to the point of minimizing one’s importance).

Among the findings:

Talkative youngsters tended to show interest in intellectual matters, speak fluently, try to control situations, and exhibit a high degree of intelligence as adults. Children who rated low in verbal fluency were observed as adults to seek advice, give up when faced with obstacles, and exhibit an awkward interpersonal style.

Children rated as highly adaptable tended, as middle-age adults, to behave cheerfully, speak fluently and show interest in intellectual matters. Those who rated low in adaptability as children were observed as adults to say negative things about themselves, seek advice and exhibit an awkward interpersonal style.

Students rated as impulsive were inclined to speak loudly, display a wide range of interests and be talkative as adults. Less impulsive kids tended to be fearful or timid, kept others at a distance and expressed insecurity as adults.

Children characterized as self-minimizing were likely to express guilt, seek reassurance, say negative things about themselves and express insecurity as adults. Those who were ranked low on a self-minimizing scale tended to speak loudly, show interest in intellectual matters and exhibit condescending behavior as adults.

Changing personality

Previous research has suggested that while our personalities can change, it’s not an easy undertaking.

Personality is “a part of us, a part of our biology,” Nave said. “Life events still influence our behaviors, yet we must acknowledge the power of personality in understanding future behavior as well.”

Future research will “help us understand how personality is related to behavior as well as examine the extent to which we may be able to change our personality,” Nave said.

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Police pickup set on fire near downtown Fargo

What kind of imagery does that conjure up?  I’m thinking someone set fire to a police vehicle.  If you read the article though it becomes clear that the meaning of the headline is “Police believe a pickup near downtown fargo was purposely set on fire”.  Would it really be difficult to come up with a better headline?

Police:  Arson suspected in pickup blaze

Police suspect arson in pickup blaze

ARSONIST AT LARGE!

Something that doesn’t look like it was composed by a retard would be nice.

FARGO – Police believe someone intentionally set a pickup on fire early today near downtown Fargo.

The 1984 Toyota was reported on fire at 2:37 a.m. behind Morris Painting and Decorating, 1446 1st Ave. N.

Fargo Police Sgt. Mat Sanders said the pickup’s gas cap was missing, and it’s possible that’s where the fire started.

A Dodge Ram pickup parked near the burned pickup had its front windshield broken by an unknown object, he said.

The building wasn’t damaged.

Police have no suspects and are investigating the blaze as crimes of endangering by fire and criminal mischief, he said.

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Allowing their men to stray is a concept that’s difficult for most women to contemplate.

“Allowing” is a huge word in that statement.  If you are in a position to “allow” something then you are clearly the one in control.  I would expect that if a couple had an understanding that this was allowed the man would probably “suck up” a little more to make sure this aspect of his relationship wouldn’t go away.  If a woman is confident this is probably a pretty good situation.

I think some of the thrill of “cheating” is getting away with it.  I expect there is a rush when you successfully sneak around and pull off something potentially dangerous.  Maybe eliminating some of that “thrill” is part of the reason this idea might keep relationships happy.  If the thrill is gone…it becomes just sex.  I wouldn’t really want to be in a relationship like that…maybe years ago in my 20′s it would have had some appeal, but I remember many nights at the bar working so hard to try and find something to go home with…the night wasn’t even enjoyable.  There is a certain amount of comfort in knowing who your taking home.  Add to that the chance of picking up some disease…blah.

Another aspect of a relationship like this is there is certain to be “conditions” to the activity.  If you read through the article one lady “lets” her man sleep with other chics, but he can’t stay the night.  I believe that things like this can’t really work if there are no limits.  If you are going to let things fly free it has to be completely free and it has to work both ways…if the man can play around so can the woman.

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New York (CNN) — Could letting your man sleep with another woman help your relationship?

Author and former mistress Holly Hill thinks so.

“One of the main things that I have learned is that a woman that negotiates infidelity with her partner is far more powerful than a woman who is sitting home wondering why he’s late from the office Christmas party,” she says.

“It’s better to walk the dog on a leash than let it escape through an unseen hole in the back fence.”

Hill’s memoir, “Sugarbabe” details her yearlong adventure with a series of so-called “sugar daddies.” The book sold 24,000 copies in her native Australia, according to her publisher, and has just been released in the United States. Holly Hill is a pen name.

“I thought it was men that would like the book,” she says, “But in fact it’s women, because what it says to women is that if your man cheats on you, he still loves you, and he’s probably running about average.”

Allowing their men to stray is a concept that’s difficult for most women to contemplate.

But Hill says that if a woman takes the time to truly examine her relationship and considers Mother Nature’s unerring spell on men’s libidos, she might realize that letting her boyfriend or spouse know she’s OK with him having sex elsewhere is a logical way to prevent him from doing it in secret.

“I think that cheating men are normal,” says Hill. “Monogamous men are heroes. Monogamy does have a place in relationships, but not on the long-term. Men are hard-wired to betray women on the long-term.”

But psychology professor Lawrence Josephs believes it is more personality type than gender that indicates whether a person might cheat.

“People who are higher in narcissim — whether they are male or female — are more likely to cheat. People who feel entitled to it, people who have what’s called avoidant attachment style where they tend to have more impersonal sex,” are more prone to straying, he said.

The professor also said people who experience lower levels of empathy or guilt tend to engage in more infidelity.

Hill says, that of course it’s every woman’s right to refuse to have sex when she’s not in the mood or has a headache. However, expecting men to cope on their own with no outlet whatsoever is shortsighted and cruel, says Hill.

The author, who holds a psychology degree from the University of Southern Queensland, says her experience as a “sugarbabe” taught her some valuable lessons about what drives men to seek sex outside marriage.

Finding herself in financial dire straits after her married boyfriend unexpectedly dumped her four years ago (he had persuaded her to quit her job and enjoy his financial support as part of “the mistress plan”), she decided to get creative about her employment options.

Hill, who was 39 at the time, posted an ad online announcing her search for a sugar daddy, someone who would pay her $1,000 a week in exchange for her company, cooking, conversation, massages and, when they desired it, sex. She says the ad attracted 11,000 responses.

At the time, Hill says she saw a distinct difference between what she was doing and prostitution.

“I thought that because I was a 24/7 exclusive mistress that I wasn’t part of the world’s oldest profession, but with hindsight I was, because what I was doing … I was charging men for services, part of which included sex,” says Hill.

However, she adds, any married woman who no longer loves her husband but continues to have sex with him to retain the comforts of being married could also be considered part of that oldest profession.

Most of Hill’s “daddies” were wealthy married men who surprisingly often opted for conversation, she says. While entertaining with red wine and exotic food platters she’d prepare in her Sydney apartment, Hill learned that most of these men sought her attention because they simply weren’t getting enough sex from their wives.

“Men need to get their rocks off,” says Hill. “If a woman crosses her legs for any length of time and doesn’t arrange some sort of alternative for her man, he is going to cheat on her.”

By alternatives, Hill is referring to her idea of “negotiated infidelity.” That shouldn’t be confused with an open relationship, which to Hill “has no rules.” Nor does it imply that it’s necessary that a wife allow her husband to hop into bed with whomever he chooses — unless of course she’s OK with that. Hill says negotiated infidelity could mean hubby makes a trip to the local strip club for the occasional lap dance or updates his porn collection.

And in no way does it have to be a one-way street.

“Ideally the woman will want to stray as well,” says Hill. “Some won’t want to because they’re at home taking care of toddlers. But the woman definitely needs to negotiate infidelity as well, especially because that will generate her man’s competitive nature. The more lovers the woman has, the more attraction the man will have for his partner.”

But how do women — and men for that matter — get past those ingrained feelings of possessiveness and jealousy?

“Women need to remember the difference between why women and men have sex,” she says. “Women tend to value intimacy. For men it’s often the thrill of the chase, or the quick sex with a stranger. Men don’t even have to know their lovers’ names! It’s often just a cheap thrill and has nothing to do with us as a loving girlfriend or wife. Once we understand that, it’s much easier to let him go off.”

But Josephs doesn’t think understanding will overcome jealousy.

“I think what’s universal is that no one likes sharing partners — whether you’re male or female. I think jealousy is a kind of universal emotion,” the professor said.

Holly Hill says her boyfriend, Phil Dean, can have sex with other women but he cannot spend the night with them.

Her sugarbabe days now over, Hill lets her boyfriend of two years, Phil Dean “go off” on occasion. Hill says she believes negotiating their infidelity has been instrumental in keeping their relationship strong and committed, not to mention electric.

RELATED TOPICS

• Relationships
• Sexuality
• Australia

“[Dean] can have sex with the Australian women’s basketball team for all I care, but he can’t spoon any of them,” says Hill. “For me, spooning is cheating.”

Dean, 45, who works for an insurance company in Sydney, jokes that he hasn’t slept with any members of the Australian basketball team. But he is a big supporter of negotiated infidelity.

“I was actually very relieved when Holly and I started to speak about it [at the beginning of the relationship],” he says. “She asked me if I’d be happy in a monogamous long-term relationship and I had to say ‘no’.”

And while Dean says he doesn’t get jealous when Holly spends time with another lover, some of his male friends are certainly jealous of his relationship’s flexibility.

“Some think it couldn’t get any better than what I have,” says Dean. “Some, however, don’t want to embrace the concept. They feel protective of their partner and don’t want to share.”

Central to the idea of negotiated infidelity, Hill says, is each couple figuring out what their boundaries are. While she admits she shed a few tears at the start of her relationship as she and Dean tested their comfort levels with different arrangements (Dean also says it has definitely been a learning process), they’re now very clear about what they will and won’t allow.

While Dean has the green light to have sex with other women, he’s not permitted to stay overnight. He also can’t take his lovers away for romantic weekends. And Hill says she’ll have an all-out hissy fit if he spoons another woman.

Hill, on the other hand, is allowed to spoon her lovers because Dean has no problem with that and recognizes that intimacy is an important part of sex for women. Hill isn’t, however, allowed to wear any of the outfits Dean has bought for her when she meets up with a lover.

But how can Hill be sure Dean isn’t spooning if she isn’t there?

“If you’re talking about sexual needs honestly with your partner, you get better at communicating with each other, you get better with honesty,” says Hill. “Everything is out in the open and you have an honest relationship according to your man’s biology, not according to some outdated social norms.” (Hill is working on another book that will address why women also like to venture outside their marriages for sex.)

Those rules sound artificial to Marcella Weiner, adjunct professor of Marymount Manhattan College and author of “Repairing Your Marriage After His Affair: A Woman’s Guide to Hope and Healing.”

“Unless you’re totally dead inside of you and have no heart or no brains or no anything — when you’re with another person, you’re with another person,” said Weiner. “It’s not just here’s my penis, here’s your vagina that’s it. It is for some people — but that’s a mechanical kind of thing.”

While it may not be for everyone, Hill is optimistic that if more people embraced the idea of negotiated infidelity, cheating could become a thing of the past, leading to fewer divorces and truly happy lifelong relationships.

“We just have to be honest about the way nature created us, and we have to work with nature instead of working against her. This isn’t rocket science. This is what every man already knows and I think what every woman deep down already knows.”

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